Rambling Down the Boulevard,

I’ve been thinking about the long goodbye job and Sterling in it- specifically the moment when he says “does Parker even know you got Hardison killed?”

Because in retrospect that’s horror in his voice.

So Sterling asks “does Parker even know you got Hardison killed?” But he’s thinking it was always going to end this way and Nathan Ford’s fucking god complex and you could have been great you goddamn asshole.

Jim Sterling is always certain. He’s never wrong, the same way Nate is never wrong. So this is what he knows- he’s got two bodies, Nathan Ford looking guilty (and not just that lapsed choir boy guilt that is Nate’s default. This is worse.) and no word on where Sophie Devereaux is.

This is true- Nathan is predicatable, Sophie is not. But Sophie Devereaux (she of the faked deaths, legit titles, and mob connections) would abandon Nate in a heartbeat if he got his team killed.

At least 75% of Sterling’s resentment of Nathan Ford is this- you are supposed to be better than me.

So Sterling says “does Parker even know you got Hardison killed?” And Nathan Ford gets physical and he almost misses the trick. Because he can’t get past Nathan Ford willfully leading his team to their deaths. It’s been the stuff of Sterling’s nightmares the last five years, Nathan Ford and his fucking god complex, fucking up.

He doesn’t think he’ll survive it. Sterling knows Nate won’t. He’d kill himself for grief before a year was out.

(Two weeks after Sam died, Jim sat by a hospital bed and thought about praying, as the nurses fed Nate activated charcoal. It’s not the sort of thing that leaves you.)